Conversion

Tell me—
Could your mind handle it?
When the earth cracks and trembles in fear,
When a leviathan hand and an eldritch being appear.

Tell me—
Could your mind handle it?
When your mouth spreads open and your teeth fall out.
The god within your flesh brings you to your knees praying, even more devout.

Tell me—
Could your body handle it?
When your flesh starts to tear and your bones begin to rearrange,
Slowly becoming deified with every abhorrent change.

Answer us—
Is our mind better now?
Fields of ruin replaced with fields of shimmering orchids.
Ignorant to lives slowly changing into something less morbid.
Become beautiful within ourself.
One billion minds and bodies divide like your cells.
Becoming something so painfully perfect after we expel—

You.

Tell us.

Design

My family wasn’t one to indulge in my life choices.
Within opulent halls that perfectly echoed crow calls,
I would steal out into the night.
Collecting teeth, body parts, ashes for one of the many voices.

I would sequester in my room during the day.
Fearing that the absence of my treasures would alter and sway without me to keep them safe from the cold dark violence.
I would consume out of compulsion, oddly not feeling anything linger on my conscience.

The halls of the manor echoed with fear as more and more of my family noticed my emotional and physical changes.
My increased reclusion became all the more normal as my outward appearance began one of its many rearranges.

My jaw would creak and crack as it seemed to separate from the muscles gifted by God.
My teeth felt sharper each day, grinding my lower lip bare.
My skin would stretch and tear, wrack my hands against the stone of these halls, not in pain but despair.

Despite my self-disgust, I continued to indulge in my fixation on the ingestion of human flesh.
It was getting to the point where the carrion I gathered would not placate or satiate it,
It would only drive me further towards the walking fresh.

Become one with the monstrosity I had sired within my skin.
Hunt the crimson life that walks ignorantly through the foggy streets,
Consume the flesh and all things therein.

This realization haunted me for a mere minute. Before I took to the town, bones shone and became apparent.

Breath after breath, the air marked my excitement.
The light mustn’t show my approach,
My disproportioned gate, misplaced joints.
I rushed through the streets like an otherworldly cockroach.

Fingernails ripe with dirt and decay,
I fell upon the scent that stuck with me, drew me closer, did not dissuade.
It was brilliant and bright. Citrus and clear.
The woman stood in the open air without knowledge of me there,
Ignorant to the fear.

A protracted arm reached through mist-filled air.
Fingers wrapping around the delicate waist, so unaware.
With a grip that dares to break her in two,
I pulled this feast into my serrated hug before even a slight scream would cut through.
I consumed my darling prey in the night,
Losing myself completely, no longer a wight.

I would consume the town and all therein.
Fuse the bodies and drape them over the house of mankind’s sin.
A chapel of abhorrence,
A dead city’s moan.
I became one with the beast within my bones.

Mutation

I see through the seams of my reality.
Living split between a further separating duality.
See the Watcher pulling the strings.
You can see the tear appear and the tears it brings.

The glass cage I put myself in.
A scream a day, not one of you hear me curse this skin.
The broken shards from the previous cut into my feet.
Forever and a day away from happy, from feeling complete.

Within my veins breeds life from other worlds.
There isn’t much left of me, maybe less then one-third?
The courage to keep it close to my heart.
I still keep it close, it’s the best part.
A voice tells me to bear with the pain.
After all this time, I fight the voice in my brain.

A new arm, five split-pupil eyes form across my skull.
An echoed scream, a cracking storm waiting for a lull.
I can see the webs you spin across the cosmos.
Long lines of thread to place me among the one you love most.

I love my mutations, my millions of variations.
Witness the worst. This won’t be the first.
Between immortal and ephemeral,
Between life and death,
I savor every single final breath.

Fighting to stay in this torturous state.
Breeding new pain, finding new ways to hate.
They take me far away from my decaying foundations.
I love my mutations.

Thrones

How can I get it through your head?
This constant turmoil.
I know what I said.

Give me my six feet of soil.
Tell me what I can do to start the quiet.
Something beautiful and violent.
Tell me this was meant for me.

I don’t want to be free.
Give me my six feet of soil.
Drop me in and despoil.
Leave my bones.
They remind me of all my false thrones.

Give me what I want.
I’m tired of of the constant personality shunt.
Give me the crushing black.
Somehow end this all and give me myself back.

Build our kingdom from my blood and bones.
Write our scripture with pretty, violent undertones.
Leave me at the top so I can feel like I contributed to this kingdom made of me.
I only had to die to give you all something to see.

Calling me Home II

Collective rage,
Grafted to my living cage.
Millions of minds screaming for release,
Trapped somewhere between alive and deceased.

Moving through a mindscape of the unreal agony of a collective people,
Morphed into one to become a disgusting song, A cacophony of screams throughout this flesh steeple.
We are one with god—His thousand eyes and eldritch form.
We are the wave of nothing washing over our home,
We are the swarm.

A thousand years pass and I feel a pull.
I am we. We are whole.
A thousand years pass and I can feel my hands again,
Cytokenesis to begin.

I don’t hear all the screams,
My mind forms anew.
Dropped from a cosmic, gargantuan, living planets sinew.
A new body to call mine. A new otherworldly design.

The sky is undulating, bleeding oceans,
The ground racked with a low groan and rapid convulsions.

Tendrils made of man and woman burrow deep within this breathing new eden.
Trees of flesh and metal substance, shrouded by a living atmosphere of alien repugnance.

Sat before this infested new world, fist in alien dirt clenched and curled.

I feel the god we belong to let out a deep horrid sigh as it rearranges my chromosome.
As my skin begins to split and move, teeth and bone shift and improve.
I let out a cry not of my own, a plea to please return home.

Tour of my brain

Disclaimer: there is some stronger subject matter within this poem. mention of self harm mainly. This piece is different then most of the ones you will find here. I wanted to post a smaller, more blatantly personal one to see how people liked it. thank you again for even reading my work. plenty more to come!

Let’s take a tour of my head,

What do you say?

It’s mostly depression, aggression, a smidgen of frustration with what I have to think to get by.

Decide if I want to die.

It’s Tuesday, maybe a noose today?

That would be a lovely thought. The knot that releases an expression of hope across my face. 

Leaves the rope digging at my throat. But no.

No suicidal thoughts today. That’s a win, they are usually proverbial. 

So let’s run through the rest.

There are festering thoughts of the past. I still hold myself accountable alas.

But what do I do with them? If not obsess and obsess.

Well I turn it inward and assume I’m at fault.

The guilt lies with me. Self assault on my brain, ground down on the asphalt.

There is some happy–albeit short-lived and snappy. But I try my best to live where the hate isn’t.

Does it work? Of course not. But it helps me feel human. 

Focusing on the good rather than the happy famine. 

I can’t quite figure out the difference between my own hell and heaven.

That concludes the tour of my brain. 

I left out the monsters that strain my head everyday. 

I put them down on paper to scare others and keep them at bay. 

But hey, it’s a creative outlet. I’ll be okay.

Calling me Home I

I walk from my bed to the door.

One foot drags across the floor.

The door laughs at my forced smile as opening it takes me quite a while.

I walk through streets coated with rust.

Eyes in dark corners yearn for a dumb man’s trust.

I see the footprints I leave in the desiccated young returned to the Loam.

I hear the ones in the deep calling me home.

The earth burns and floods all at once.

A titanic hand reaches from between the fault lines to alter our continuance.

We prayed above for the god we knew,

But they did not answer before the ones below gathered us in a far-reaching slough.

They asked for subservience.

They asked for sacrifice.

The ones who did not go insane found paradise.

We killed and we burnt the world to the ground.

We led droves of people to the cataracts to drown.

As our bodies shifted and changed, as the gods invaded our chromosome,

We knelt in knee-deep muck to become one with our home

Abyss I

I walked the steps to Hell, 

Dark as night and deep as well.

With each step the steel adorned across my chest rang.

Echoing down the abyss, deeply they sang.

I knew the dark held evils within it,

But the beast I followed, and darkness it beget.

The light of my torch flickered and faded,

A cool ember mirroring me, languid.

This descent will destroy me, I am sure,

Teeth and claws I attempt to inure,

I fear only for my mind in this place.

For I faced it once, just a taste.

It crawled on all fours despite its upright appearance. 

Across its dozens of eyes manipulated a calm fluorescence.

It would shriek as if harmed across the flooded moors at night,

Drawing in the curious like some form of pseudoparasite.

Half sunk in the mud it would appear beautiful.

The colors shifting, its motives unfathomable.

Do not trust the nebulous guise.

For when you close distance, its eyes synchronize. 

Wrenched from the mud, limbs long and with purpose,

You’re pulled into the mouth where it hid below the mud’s surface.

Its hunger was not ever satiated.

It left a hundred or more lost and dessicated. 

Now I pursue this beast I fear to imagine.

It slunk its way deep below this castle’s abandoned cavern.

A grip on the hilt I feel my purpose,

As the otherworldly colors on my mind would gain purchase.

My armor would echo in the open chasm.

Its colors illuminating a sight most gruesome

Creature

Chemicals are essential to function,

Be it control or destruction. 

I crave entropy—

The bright points of my dull catastrophe. 

A red necktie to stain my shirt and skin.

Love, doom. The only things I find hate in.

Love burrows into you like a starving invertebrate,

Peels back the shell to proliferate. 

Made from stars and just as far,

The light I snuff is the light you are.

I apologize for the creature inside your heart.

There is nothing else left of me, that’s the only part.

Keep it safe if you please.

It will die off soon, like a disease,

Just a little abnormality.

I apologize for the creature I left inside your heart.

I’m trying to recreate it with art.

Remember what I left of me in others,

Little things I left behind to discover.

When I leave and close my eyes,

I want something for those of you left behind—

A little creature in your heart to remember me by.

The Knight

I want to describe the scene. It’s something I am sure you will struggle to believe.

It was a dark and stormy night

when the metal-coated knight drew steel across the hide of the hidden beast.

Behind thousands of veils, he did not breathe in the least.

His story started below the dirt. He stirred. Disturbed the worms,Their guts so full of his honorable flesh

Withered and stretched across yards of forsaken ground.

Desecrated and abused by weather, the dead surround.

The rain had churned up more and more bodies through the winter.

In the night the knight heard the screaming, feeding worms eating at the bits left on bone.

He sensed without sensory organs.

Pulled in breath after breath in fear without lungs to bare them.

He felt the familiar damp. The wrapping of leather protecting bits of flesh and bone from metal the rain had shone.

Lifted from his grave he reformed and mind joined with thoughts new

He was surely dead as dead could be. But breathed in as if he was as alive as you or me.

He remembered the fights, dark beasts and blights left imprinted into his memory.

It was all that was left of me.

The ground ripped open and forced me to my feet. The earth formed a mouth and spoke as my body wanted to retreat.

“Bare the blade you died to keep. Sleep no more, slay this reality before it wakes what lies in the deep.”

The cartilage of my decayed fingers gripped around sword so familiar. Glimpses of a face once mine now fell away to this great disfigure.

Nothing made sense to me. The ground was spinning like that of a kaleidoscope. The trees started to speak of the beast that chose to interlope.

A mouth made of mouths and teeth of fingers sharpened to a point.

Bathed in the blood of reality and merged with the dead it chose to anoint.

I was disgraced to its millions of eyes- floating as orbs, illuminating new lies

seemingly altering the velocity of rain as it fell past their gaze.

With a yawn, its maw opened to pull me into its mental maze.

The abyss was infinite, formless and rigid to light.

It made little sense to scream as it took the first bite.

I spent night after night in the infinite.

A screaming aberration of reality limited, it fought to keep me down.

In its maze I felt my flaws pulse and push from my flesh. I watched my blood run from a dead dull brown to a deep red.

Gripping steel I could feel each gulp and contraction of the gore that trapped me within it.

I slept through the worst of what beget it.

It felt like always before my unlife ended within the beast.

My steel, compelled to feast, stabs in the dark so bleak.

Well past knee-deep, it starts.

I’m laughing, screaming my ears apart. Blood filling my lungs, feeling my heart start.

Spat out into a world less distorted than before.

A new world that was birthed from the gore.

One with less nights filled with undead knights.

Less fights and beasts that feed in the firelight.

No nightmares anymore.

With a sigh of pain I release my grip on the sword I swore to hold.

Let the dirt take me back to where I began, feeling feelings like never before, feeling…cold.