Conversion

Tell me—
Could your mind handle it?
When the earth cracks and trembles in fear,
When a leviathan hand and an eldritch being appear.

Tell me—
Could your mind handle it?
When your mouth spreads open and your teeth fall out.
The god within your flesh brings you to your knees praying, even more devout.

Tell me—
Could your body handle it?
When your flesh starts to tear and your bones begin to rearrange,
Slowly becoming deified with every abhorrent change.

Answer us—
Is our mind better now?
Fields of ruin replaced with fields of shimmering orchids.
Ignorant to lives slowly changing into something less morbid.
Become beautiful within ourself.
One billion minds and bodies divide like your cells.
Becoming something so painfully perfect after we expel—

You.

Tell us.

Oh ossuary mine

Lay down next to me, supine, and hold your hands together like you’re praying.
Disgust those around you. Focus on the part of your mind that hates you, on what it’s saying.

Blade close to flesh and flesh close to me.
Open me up, lift open the skin, break the ribs.

Within the abyss of life lives rotting death.
Lean your head back and chant through laggard bre-e-eath,

“Oh, tomb you are. I’ll wear every scorn as individual scars.
Hold me within those cages, oh ossuary mine.
I’ll die for you in time, and curse every inch of my undying design.”

Within my chest I’ll hold you. Close to my heart.
As you rot away within me I’ll pull you into all my favorite parts.
Organized by importance and severity of regret,
The Shattered memories as bones and tears turned crystal black jet.

In their reflection we will sing,

“Oh, tomb I left behind. To walk the world I left burned in kind.
The dead will climb out of my chest and choke me slowly to death.
Oh ossuary mine, I’m fed up with this design.
I wish to be with you, constant in my chest.

A memory of bones,
My ossuary blessed.

Mutation

I see through the seams of my reality.
Living split between a further separating duality.
See the Watcher pulling the strings.
You can see the tear appear and the tears it brings.

The glass cage I put myself in.
A scream a day, not one of you hear me curse this skin.
The broken shards from the previous cut into my feet.
Forever and a day away from happy, from feeling complete.

Within my veins breeds life from other worlds.
There isn’t much left of me, maybe less then one-third?
The courage to keep it close to my heart.
I still keep it close, it’s the best part.
A voice tells me to bear with the pain.
After all this time, I fight the voice in my brain.

A new arm, five split-pupil eyes form across my skull.
An echoed scream, a cracking storm waiting for a lull.
I can see the webs you spin across the cosmos.
Long lines of thread to place me among the one you love most.

I love my mutations, my millions of variations.
Witness the worst. This won’t be the first.
Between immortal and ephemeral,
Between life and death,
I savor every single final breath.

Fighting to stay in this torturous state.
Breeding new pain, finding new ways to hate.
They take me far away from my decaying foundations.
I love my mutations.

Thrones

How can I get it through your head?
This constant turmoil.
I know what I said.

Give me my six feet of soil.
Tell me what I can do to start the quiet.
Something beautiful and violent.
Tell me this was meant for me.

I don’t want to be free.
Give me my six feet of soil.
Drop me in and despoil.
Leave my bones.
They remind me of all my false thrones.

Give me what I want.
I’m tired of of the constant personality shunt.
Give me the crushing black.
Somehow end this all and give me myself back.

Build our kingdom from my blood and bones.
Write our scripture with pretty, violent undertones.
Leave me at the top so I can feel like I contributed to this kingdom made of me.
I only had to die to give you all something to see.

Lake

Two fingers grip it close.
Pulling at my legs like undertows,
Knots tied by you and you alone,
Weighted down to the depths to decompose.

Against a scalp a bare edge dragged across golden hair.
A waning, auburn moon,
Illuminating my nightmare.

Blue hues of two lives split on the same edge.
Find my body,
Continue to dredge.

I want to believe in the light that flickers at the surface.
Forget about my dark home,
Rotting and armless.
The crustacean, carrion feeder,
Consuming me, such a little abaser.

Pick me apart.
Reveal my black heart.
Use it in your ritual to impart,
My damning. My sin. My false start.

Pieces of me at the bottom of your lake.
Rotting for you, falling apart for your sake.
Memories that linger, persist like a stomachache.

Ferry my bones in your current.
Rewrite me as abhorrent,
Disgust my thought that lingers with the antidepressant.

Love me in your dark.
Ignore me when my flesh pulls apart—
Sleep through the pain.
Use my rot to grow your Wolfsbane.

Let me be part of your scenery.
A constant part of your Periphery,
A lingering injury,
The Wolfsbane in your garden scene.
Paint it out before you forget about me.

Blind By Choice

The lights are weary, like me—dreary. They flicker and fade. A shade of blue washes over the ivory white floor. A door at the end of the hall calls to me from beyond it all.

I want to stall when I hear the voices pick up, telling me to get up out of the dark. Parts of me wander free from the rest. Testing the boundaries of here and now, past and present—tense, The only feeling I can feel.

The ground undulates, dedicates its movements to knock me off my feet. That’s all before the walls sprout teeth.

I can’t breathe with this living debaser. See the walls peel off like burnt paper.

The end of the hall stretches and tapers down towards hellish flame. A demon for each lie in my mouth, doused in gasoline. Spit like fire and shame.

Under a new world’s gravity my form weakens. Buckles and strains beneath them.

The moons shatter into stars across the canvas of nothing, Touching the edge of my periphery. I can’t help to smile, bear my teeth and claws euphorically.

Nine millions stars separate me from you. Two pieces torn apart to bring about a new heart to start.

Birth me right into oblivion.

Tell me you believe in the heart beneath layers of dark. Your atoms belong to me. See how they make up the universe I create and pull apart.

Parasitic, pseudoisochromatic, Abhorrently disproportioned—

A living nebulous mind.  Ever hungry by design.

Open the way.

Bring me a hundred to kneel. Call forth the breathing and unbreathing, loyalty to break the seal.

Contagious beautiful fanaticism.  Dead to alive ad-nauseum.

Pulse with flies and beings from another reality to bring about the father of insanity. Another me breathing in human life synchronously. My messenger he will be. Sowing my mind-altering reality.

Tour of my brain

Disclaimer: there is some stronger subject matter within this poem. mention of self harm mainly. This piece is different then most of the ones you will find here. I wanted to post a smaller, more blatantly personal one to see how people liked it. thank you again for even reading my work. plenty more to come!

Let’s take a tour of my head,

What do you say?

It’s mostly depression, aggression, a smidgen of frustration with what I have to think to get by.

Decide if I want to die.

It’s Tuesday, maybe a noose today?

That would be a lovely thought. The knot that releases an expression of hope across my face. 

Leaves the rope digging at my throat. But no.

No suicidal thoughts today. That’s a win, they are usually proverbial. 

So let’s run through the rest.

There are festering thoughts of the past. I still hold myself accountable alas.

But what do I do with them? If not obsess and obsess.

Well I turn it inward and assume I’m at fault.

The guilt lies with me. Self assault on my brain, ground down on the asphalt.

There is some happy–albeit short-lived and snappy. But I try my best to live where the hate isn’t.

Does it work? Of course not. But it helps me feel human. 

Focusing on the good rather than the happy famine. 

I can’t quite figure out the difference between my own hell and heaven.

That concludes the tour of my brain. 

I left out the monsters that strain my head everyday. 

I put them down on paper to scare others and keep them at bay. 

But hey, it’s a creative outlet. I’ll be okay.

Creature

Chemicals are essential to function,

Be it control or destruction. 

I crave entropy—

The bright points of my dull catastrophe. 

A red necktie to stain my shirt and skin.

Love, doom. The only things I find hate in.

Love burrows into you like a starving invertebrate,

Peels back the shell to proliferate. 

Made from stars and just as far,

The light I snuff is the light you are.

I apologize for the creature inside your heart.

There is nothing else left of me, that’s the only part.

Keep it safe if you please.

It will die off soon, like a disease,

Just a little abnormality.

I apologize for the creature I left inside your heart.

I’m trying to recreate it with art.

Remember what I left of me in others,

Little things I left behind to discover.

When I leave and close my eyes,

I want something for those of you left behind—

A little creature in your heart to remember me by.

Birth of a God

As I am writing, I am relentlessly fighting the dead voices. Accosted by them now and always.

Deciding what to do with my choices.

I am neither here nor there, with you or with me.

I can’t seem to break free, part the veil and slip through the seams.

One after another, bones splinter and falter under the weight of worlds I don’t know.

Skys that follow my eyes and ground that shifts and sighs, breathing deep long breaths of something alive.

What am I to do? With all of this I am not sure I could continue.

The mountains are eyes, I’ve been coughing up flies.

Red and sharp, made out of my own sinew.

Breathing feels like glass has grown within my spine, flexing and rearranging my design.

I forget what I am half the time. I am not sure if I could define all the things I see in the space

outside my human paradigm.

I am the parter of veils, both the gate and the key.

I feed on nothing. I only watch my form part abhorrently.

Amorphous and split between it all, I see the rise of man and the coming fall.

Despite the pain I endured before, I can barely remember who I was anymore.

I am what I am.

My eyes like stars, uncountable.

My form no longer anatomical.

I see the cosmos for what it is: a writhing pit of germs and shit.

Beings growing from one another and dying the same day.

I am all, I am one. I am the opener of the way.

Parasite

There once was a man that lived off others.

Dragged around chains like blanket covers.

Strung from the ceiling and draped in red.

Wishing to anyone to be dead.

His life was nothing. His mind was less.

He longed for something, anything to regress.

Along came a creature, a sort of pale blue.

Teeth like razors burrowing into his soft tissue.

A parasite between this world and another.

Placed itself inside this worthless piece of meat with intent to discover.

Wrenched itself up off the chains, fell to the floor in utter pain.

Alive, or something like it. The parasite found a nice fit.

The body convulsed unnaturally and struggled to move.

Compared to before, the man wouldn’t disprove.

Walked through life like the little blue slug went through worlds.

Without anyone the wiser the madness unfurled.

Made the man better than he was.

Despite the fact his flesh had turned to sludge.

Bone apparent and muscle gone. No longer the man he was, so forgone.